That is what we do.
That is what people do.
They stay alive for one another.
-------

G'NIGHT, STARSHINE; THE MOON SAYS HELLO. :D

I don't have much to post about, but. Just t'let y'all know that no, I'm not dead (not yet, anyways), and no, my will stays untouched until I'm six feet under!

Okay.
Since I don't have any truly other meaningful thing to yabber about... I'm gunna post a few quotes for certain people.
Not going to say who which quote's for. :]

[/START]

1. He misses you?
Good. He SHOULD.
You're sexy, pretty, funny, outgoing, & fun to be around.
Guys that haven't met you yet miss you.
But don't get back together with him, 'cause somewhere out there is a guy searching really hard for you.
He's the one who deserves someone amazing like you, so
let him have it, and not the asshole who left you.

2. You'd kill me if you had the chance;
but bitch, I was born to shine.

3. If you don't like me, there's nothing I can do.
Here's a newsflash, honey;
I don't live to please you.

4. The more you get to know a person, the more attractive they become to you.
Because everything beautiful you see on the inside of them;
you suddenly begin to see on the outside, too.

5. It's life you're angry at.
Dreams fade. Period.
They slip, they falter, they die.
That's life, darling. That's life.
But if you let that stop you from living, then what is the point of it all?

6. there's a point in your life when you know who stays forever & who's just around for a while.
people change, but so do you ; sometimes for the better & sometimes for the worse.
bad things happen to everyone ; you`re not in it alone.
people lie & some people just don't care how you feel.
your heart beats no matter how much pain you`re in.
everything will be okay eventually.
there are always people in your life that just make your day no matter the miles.
i know all about distance ; i've been dealing with it all my life, so don`t tell me it's easy but it's worth it. i'd rather stay in touch with the people i love then just drop it & forget about it . you don't forget about the ones you love, it doesn't work that way. give it all you got, & life your life to the fullest.
people would kill to have what you have.
someone always has it worse off than you, but that doesn't mean your pain doesn't count.

7. You look at your body in the mirror and hate it.
Nothing seems right; not your eyes, not your hair,
your figure, your legs, your hands.
You don't see that you are designed to look exactly the way you do--
beautiful.

8. Sometimes, I wish you'd pay more attention to my favorite songs ;
because the lyrics sing words I'm too scared to say.

9. So plug your ears and make excuses;
block out who you see in the mirror-
but the truth is--
you can't escape yourself.

10. I may be insecure,
but I know how to pick myself up and try again.

11. Don't flatter yourself, sweetie.
The only fan you have is on the ceiling.

12. the funny thing is,
nobody really ever knows how much
anybody else is hurting.

we could be standing next to somebody
who is completely broken

& we wouldn't even know.

13. So what if we prank call people on friday nights?
So what if we think "yo mamma" jokes are hilarious?

Why does it matter that we sometimes talk like we're mentally challenged, & dance like we're fifty? 

We're best friends & we love it. 

Now go ahead & continue with 
your boring, normal, & oh-so-mature lives.

[*grins* ...And!
We're best friends 'cause God knew our mothers couldn't handle us being sisters. :D]

14. I don't want your boyfriend.
Nobody wants your boyfriend.
That's why he's with you.

15.You were given this life because you're strong enough to live it.

16. they live for the way they become a family with their team,
they live for the countless songs they sing in their head while training all those hours.

17. So basically, I'm gonna go all third-grader on you
& DOUBLE DOG DARE you to fall in love with me.

(HEE, and this one isn't really for anyone in particular- I just thought it was cute.)
...I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. :]



[/END]

Yaye. That made for a loverly substantial post.

HO NOW! Homework calls my name.

<3


we're turning circles, baby. 
we're never satisfied.
we fall from grace, forget we can fly, but through all the tears we cry, we survive.
because when we're torn apart, shattered and scared, love has the grace to save us.
we're just tarnished hearts, but in each other's eyes we become saints and angels.
-----

II have realized that I am a very odd person.

[Cue mighty cry: "...You only JUST realized?!"]

But I am a DOUBLY odd person because I just caught myself opening the mug drawer to get one of t hose pretty coloured Ikea cups, and I found mysellf thinking to myself,

"I will only drink from either the dark red cup or the dark green cup, because dark red looks like blood and dark green looks elfy and they both are safe, warm colours and I will be safe and warm if I drink from them."

I mean. Who even CARES about the colours of their cups, besides apparently me?
(And I even get a little thrill whenever I get the dark green cup at dinnertime! Omg Cara, get a life!!!)

Also, I have realized that whenever I make grilled cheese sandwiches/fruit salads/etc, I only ever eat them from the dark blue or dark red plates, because (or so I reason with myself) the neon coloured plates are unsafe and not nice and therefore cannot be eaten from.
WHAT is with that?

Okay, I'm starting to freak me out now.

Uh huh anyway. Moving on.
Training! I did a T1, since Gill wasn't there.
And I was scared, at first! I mean, like. I was afraid that I''d pull and pull and still not get anywhere, or something.
BUT. We did sprints, and even if I do say so myself, today's training has given me a little high, because I know that I really pushed myself today and if I'm willing to improve (which I so am) I will go even further.
I made sure that I was on par with Becky & Jinnie's T2, and I just rowwwwwwed.
I could feel my glide- and it felt awesome. Which is a confidence booster for me, and I WILL do my best in the K2 tomorrow, I WILL!

Plus. I almost tipped over watching the T1 guys do their sprints. ...I mean, like. Even in the bulkiest of all the crafts, they just glided. (Glode? Glade? Garg. Literary analysis essay is draining my brain cells.)
Honestly, they just flew.
And if you just looked at their boats, it'd look like the easiest, most free, most liberating, most natural thing in the world to do-- just to skim across the surface the way they did.
...But we know better.
We know the pain and the anguish and the sheer driving force that is needed to send those boats flying over the water-- and how every stroke hurts (God, it hurts)...and just looking at the flight of those crafts, an outsider would never guess how much pain goes into making those boats fly.

The K seniors are an inspiration, too.
I mean- the look on every face when they sprint- it's amazing. You can see all the pain (bare, unconcealed, unleashed) etched on every line of their face, and their crafts barely skim the surface of the churning water.
It's dangerous, that kind of power.
It's terrifying explosive breathtaking, and I' know I''m rambling here, but I mean what I say.

It's amazing, really it is-- how nobody would be able to guess how much pain
goes into styling that kind of perfection
(powerful to the point of sheer delicacy)

I want to be like that, one day.

I want to get to the level where I can say,

"I laugh in the face of pain,"

It's not going to be easy, but I''ll be damned if I don't put up a fight to get where I want to go.
Even if it takes me helluva long time.

And Life isn't getting any easier.
Sometimes I'm afraid my problems'll just fall on me and crush me.
One clean fall. And then zip. Nada. Zilchohhhhh.

But Pain, make me better;
Life, make me wiser;
Love, make me brighter;
and Jesus, keep me strong.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

<3













maybe you're right--
maybe I'm just a misguided soul;
maybe we were all born to be concrete children;
maybe this life isn't beautiful;
maybe I need to get down from the clouds and grow up,
stop seeing the loveliness in the loneliest things.

But then again.
Maybe you're wrong.
Maybe you're wrong, and
maybe I've been right about life all along.
------

I've found something that works better than anti-depressants.

(Not that, uh, I USE anti-depressants, or anything. But I'm guessing.)

...Watch little children play soccer.
Encourage little children to play soccer.
Run alongside them in a game of soccer.
Get your arse kicked by them in aforementioned game of soccer.

...And no, I'm not sore that a group of five year olds have better ball sense than I do. :] I think I learnt just as much as they did from today's Soccer League CIP.

Junhan: *kneels down to be at eyelevel with all the little four/five/six year olds* ...Okay, so you all like watching TV, right? Good. So therefore, you are a team. *beams proudly*

(Okay, so maybe there's a good reason why Junhan doesn't havta take MI. :])

Gerald: *glee* Omigosh! That little boy just told me, "Byebye Mister Gorgor!" :D *thrilled*

...Andand Hui Ming and I helped some little kid called Bryan.
One word: ahdorable.
He was reallyreallyshy, but he had such beeeg eyes and he looks like a little baby elf and OH maybe I should take him under my wing (arm?hand?) and train him up to be a fullfledged elf!

So mmyeah. Today kinduv was a light breather from some of the stuff I've been going through lately.

Tomorrow: perfection must begin.

<3


it's getting hard to swallow now, and the lone grey walls- they crumble down;
I can't wait to be better.
I can't wait to be free.
-------

...Today has been one helluva day, and my first track race experience ever.

I almost died during the race.
No kidding.
("...What if I just twist my ankle right here...? ...I won't be able to run then.")
...And as usual, Doubt reached its tiny insidious fingers into my mind and murmured little words of deceit.

But then I decided, "Screw Doubt...Imma run."

...I came in 22nd.
When I heard the news, I didn't know whether to laugh (because I had come in among the top 25 out of over a hundred runners) or to cry (because I had missed the 20th runner mark by two effing positions.)

So I did both.

Joshua: Caraaaaaa you did it!
Cara: What was my position?
Joshua: 22nd! You did it hahaha, well done...omigosh are you crying?!

...Not that I have any regrets about the race.
I've learnt that EVERY normal person, after a race, starts thinking, "Aw gee, I could have run harder."
Which is, like, DUH. Because by the time you get around to thinking that, you've recovered and not dying and have got your strength back up again.

But I know I ran hard, I know I did.

The last stretch almost killed me.
I rounded the corner and brushed past some CCKS runner; and then I thought, " To charge, or not to charge?"

And according to Oprah, when in doubt- say no.
But I beg to differ.
And I started building up speed,
(up and up and up and up)
until I thought my rattling lungs were going to collapse and fall into a crevice in my small intestine.

I still remember-- the only thought in my head was
For God, for the team; for God, for the team;
and I could barely see; but then in my mind, I saw the faces of the canoeing team like smiling, still shots;
(we believe in you,
and we trust you,
all the way,
last charge- c'mon, c'mon)
and I swung my arms and opened my strides and ran so hard it hurt, and overtook another runner (push, push, don't give in)

(breathe their names as you suffer)

and then the next thing I knew, I was across the finishing line and I almost fell into the arms of a Crescent girl.

Crescent girl: Are you okay?
Me: (thinks: Obviously not!!!) ...*barely manages to gasp* ...Water.
Crescent girl: Oh, this water isn't for you; you have to go over there to the NJ crowd- *points somewhere in the distance*- and get water from there.
Me: *promptly dies on the spot*

So yeah.
I guess 22nd isn't a bad result; after all, I DID have a disadvantage-
I hadn't had the chance to really train in a week,
I'm not a tracker to begin with,
and I had only light jogged the race route once.

...But all the disadvantages in the world could never make up a good excuse;
and if there ever IS a next time-
- I'm going to run again with no regrets, like today-
but I WILL GET INTO THE TOP 20.

And back to MG matters.
Raina came in one or two positions before me-- when she was at my level, I remember going, "Come on, MG";
and she gave me this surprised look, and then half-smiled. (I'm guessing here... it might just have been a grimace.)
Cahmon- after all, I DO still love MG. I love MG AND NJ; so sue me if there's a law against free love!

...I'm surprised that I beat Christel Fung and Charissa Ong, though.
I mean- back in MG- I went around life under the impression that they were the immortal fasties.
...So I suppose that means that my fitness levels've gone up, but I'm still awesomely dissatisfied
and I am going to push harder, harder, harder
until I become the best I can possibly be.

NJ track-- take heart!
I'm inspired by you guys, really- and you KNOW you gave your heart for this race.
Keep pushing, keep praying, keep holding on-- you guys're gunna go far.

with pulsing breath you hush your mind
a static symphony of sound
your feet, they tremble at the line
but you will stand your ground.

heightened worry; deep and painful Fear
taps expectantly at the door
but you must declare that you're booked for life--
--remember who you're fighting for.

the race begins-- sinewy legs drum
a rhythmic tension growing loud
And you- not the topdog nor the winner under-
get lost inside the crowd.

Breathe! you plead silently with yourself
No pain, no fear, no fear
and still they're fastersleekerbetterbest
is all that you can hear.


...I scribbled that early this morning, but didn't get a chance to finish it. So here goes.

with a heart about to break you fight your mind
(angels, angels all around)
your lungs, they will bleed before the line
but you will stand your ground.


"Every single person has at least one secret
that would break your heart.
If we could just remember this
I think there would be a lot more compassion and tolerance in the world."
-Post Secret.
------

If you're not willing to risk it all, then you don't want it bad enough.

10 km timetrials today.
Gill couldn't come to training on time [bah Boom Boom Room!], so I had to go by my lonesome in a T1.
...The first few km was sheer torture. I wasn't twisting enough, so my forearms starting aching; and eventually it got to the point when I felt like giving up- my strokes weren't effective 'cause my forearms were so numb I couldn't even hold my paddle and lock the water properly, and it felt like I was doomed to an hour of being lapped and lapped again.

...But then at the 6km mark, I realized how bad I needed to fight for this.
And I told myself that I had just come for training, I had just arrived, I was fresh, I was raring to go, and I was going to push that 4 km.

So I did.

Thankyou, Cheryl, for pushing the pace with me for that last kilometre,
Thank you, Ying Jie, for encouraging and pacing with Em and I for the first few km. (Yes, I did notice you slowing down your pace a little to wait for us juniors. I appreciate that, really I do.)
Thang you Thang (:D), for coming alongside me in your K2 and telling me to keep pushing, to keep pushing.
Thank you, Heng Yang and the K2 guys for urging me on for that last charge.

It was amazing.
I grit my teeth and plunged my paddle in

again
and again
and again;

and I could hear your voices- low, urgent, intense; (never lose hope)

and it's moments like those when the light switches on again and I fall in love with this team all over again.

Monday: Canoeing training.
Tuesday: Active Rest Day. (in preparation for track nats.)
Wednesday: Track Nats!
Thursday: Canoeing training.
Friday: Canoeing training.
Saturday: Canoeing training.
Sunday: Gym! :D (with Maxy? ...Any takers? I don't really fancy going alooohne.)

Oh, and. Today, um.

Maxy: Y'know, I've got a new canoeing song.
Cara: Ooh really? *perks up* So do I. Wot's yours?
Maxy: ...Keep Moving On--
Cara: --- ZOMG really!!! *hops* MINE TOO!
Maxy: Eeep omigosh!
Cara: Omigoshhh! It's kischmit!!!
Both: :D *HUG*

...and hence, my day ends.

I need my Nature's Valley fix now. Love ya all.

(with you by my side I will fight and defend.)


welcome to existence;
everyone's here,
everyone's here.
------

Today is a frumpyIteedsomeoneoffbyaccidentfuglyemofiedIfeellikeatotalslob day.

Break out the streamers and the firecrackers, yo.

I wish, for once, that my diary entries could go something like this!

"Dear diary,
Today I met a beautiful boy.
We fell in love and got married and rode on the Ferris Wheel in Vegas.
And then we honeymooned in Paris and ate baguettes and wild strawberry croissants with cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner because French people never get fat.
One day we will have three children and a Victorian mansion and will raise pink baby elephants for a living.

Love, Cara."

But nuuuuuu. NONE of my diary entries EVER run like that. (And I wonder why!)
...But yes, they do sometimes contain excerpts of beautiful boys and baguettes and pink baby elephants.
Unfortunately, though, the beautiful boys all go away eventually, the baguettes and croissants begin giving my waistline some love, and the animal rights people petition for anti-pink baby elephants, which eventually die after a few days anyway because of some genome deficit.

Grah on to other things.

Heng Yang thinks I like ___________ and ___________. (and possibly _______.)
...Someone's been watching too many reruns of A Cinderella Story.
Okay, so maybe I COULD like ____________ (let's play Hangman, shall we?); but it's too early to say.
Because until proven wrong, I say that teenage romance is just another cliche.
Supersenior Tom earnestly believes that I'm wrong and he thinks that I'm just a young jaded soul.

Ohwell. Keep guessing, brother! :P Maybe ONE DAY I'll tell you.

I think I want to do Friday dinners with Maxy and Emily as well. (that is, if they let me come-- which they probably will coz I'm just that irresistable)
I think I could get used to having Friday dinners.
Especially with the 07canoeingbdivjuniorgirls. :]

Ooh. Qin Rui says I remind him of Moonlight Sonata.
Hahaha and according to him, it ISN'T because I'm slow and full of trilly bits and am often played in the background during social functions.
...That's nice t'know. :D

Oh I love psychoanalyzing.

<3


and oh, your eyes shone bright, like
the headlights of a million speeding cars; and
I confess-- youmightbesomethingincrediblewaitingtohappen.
------------

Ohmygosh.

My tagboard is dyyyyying. *spasms*
A big hug and thankyou and a dozen pink elephants to the loverly people who've kept my tagboard fed so far.

A big "phhhhish" and nothankyou and a dozen your-name-goes-into-my-I-don't-give-a-damn-notebook wishes to the mean people who haven't.

I highly suspect that my blog is being watched. :/
BUT OHWELL.
Only goes to show that my blog's worth watching secretly anyway. :]

... Ash wants me to blog about track training. So here.
All You Need To Know About Trackers:
(disclaimer: Don't get insulted, or anything. This is totally just in fun, PLUS I'm not poking fun at y'all! I respect trackers. :] )
1. They run. Like, a lot.
2. Some of them (ahemASHANDWQahem) have, apparently, something against canoeists.
But less power to them, then; 'cuz it just so happens that having canoeists as friends is ze total ownage.
3. Their track jersey has smaller armholes than the canoeing singlet has. :/
4. They're fast.
5. They're fast.
6. They're fast.
....
.......
20. And just when you think they can't go faster;
they speed up.

...Aforementioned two trackers also are suffering under the delusion that all canoeists have no life whatsoever.
I beg to differ.

Today, I rowed in a K2 as per norm with Gill- pacing with M&M {Mei Xin and Maxy. I'm so good at this, aren't I.}, the J1 girls, and Mr Yong.

And today I found our legacy;
written in schoolgirl penmanship and felt markers, on the bow of NJC K2-07. (08? The number doesn't matter.)

"Push. Endure. Fight.
For you.
For me.
For us.
For them."

It was beautiful, and all the while I had that still silent whisper ringing through my head:
For us. For them. For us. For them.

And so I rowed my best.

For us, and for them.

And for Him.

And I've realized that when you've truly felt pain; truly felt what it feels to suffer and struggle and fight for what you believe in... as the pain intensifies;

so does life.

And life seems so much more beautiful because of that.

...If anyone wants/dares/has the nerve to challenge that, then here's a recommendation;

Go capsize in a T-craft. Without a life-jacket. At the 1km mark.
And may you get thwapped (accidentally, of course) over the head by a HCI K1er, and may you eat much backwash.

kthx.

I love this team, and anyone who dares to insult that is, (quite frankly, darling dear) an absolute loser.

So all non-losers (read: Loser ', All Subsets of Winners, All Un-Dorks) report to the white marquee now and confess that yes, canoeists DO have lives; and pretty awesome ones, too.

... But busy lives. Definitely busy.
I've got NAPHA, IP Preview, and track nationals (Ash'll want me to capitalize this, I suppose) Track Nationals next week; so I'm more than just a little nervy about it all.
Gah why do all the freakishly importantesque things all decide to rush down on me in the same week; do they have a grudge against rad people? >:[

La phish.

(be my something-incredible-is-waiting-to-happen,
please won't you, won't you, you will?)

<3


What has become of a boy who knew the meaning of courage?
What's become of a girl who knew sorrow but was strong?
-----

...I'll tell you what became of them.
They grew up, grew wiser, and moved on to do greater things.
They dreamed the absurd, thought the unbelievable and did the impossible- and all because they had the faith to press on when they thought they couldn't.

This morning we went for "hell training", as Mr Yong calls it.
My pull-ups suck.
...No, wait. That's an understatement.
My pull-up sucks.

...But wait, that's wrong, too, and why?
I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A PULL-UP TO WHINE ABOUT, THAT'S WHY.

My canoeing seniors make it look like pea porridge- but that's probably just because:
1) they're uberishly fit
2) the guys have muscles from here to eternity
2) they've actually attempted pull-ups before.

... But I swear that by the beginning of next month, I WILL be able to do pullups.
And by June, I WILL meet the pullup criteria for the girls.

...Then we went for a 2.4 km timetrial. Thankyou, Nina, for pacing with me. I don't think I could have pushed as hard if you hadn't been there. During the actual thing, Imma imagine an imaginary veryfast freakishlyfit Nina running a few strides ahead of me!
Because I'm not sure which I hate most-
people running ahead of me, or people running just behind me.
It makes me want to break away and run far, far away-- which is a very good thing, truth be told.

I remember that at some point during the run, I was just about to give in.
Then I heard Nina cry, "Come on, Cara, use your hurt!"

So, like the obedient girl I am, I sourced around for some hurt to tap into. (which apparently will make you run faster and thus speed up your 2.4 timing.)
... And I was stunned when I realized that I didn't have any hurts to tap into.

...I mean, yeah- I do still have my fears and my screw-ups and my ohmygosh-Imma-curl-up-and-die times...but I don't really have any real hurts. At least not compared to the suffering that the rest of the world's going through; I don't have any valid pain.

Then I realized how blessed I was, and how different my life is now. (if you had asked me to tap into my hurts a year ago, I would have broken down and cried.)
So I was just, like, Oh whatever Lord, I'm going to finish this run for You. Please help me not to fall down and die.

And I ran.

And I beat my previous timing- my timing from those days.

I clocked 10.21- which, yes, I know, isn't the best of timings.
But it's better than my timing from the ________ days. Which, all things considered, is a good thing.
And I got cyberly hit on the head by Thang for "being complacent" but he's just being evil. I KNOW I can improve. I know none of us can ever stop where we are. It'd be lazy and dumb and just plain stupid to think that we're good enough, because

we aren't, we aren't,
I hate to have to quote the ACS motto-
but the best is yet to be!

(cue ACS roar.)

Hahaha so yeah, that's pretty much my day in a nutshell.
1. Morning training
2. School
3. Track training
4. Canoeing meeting
5. Home. And studying.

Isn't my life lovely. So easygoing and free yeah.

(but actually, I'll confess- I'm rather enjoying it.)

"To be second is to be last." - Mr Yong

...Well. I may get second in some things, but I'll be damned if I get second when it comes to mentality and attitude.

Be strong, stay strong, go strong, all the way.

That's the way we should fight, even if we go down fighting.

Jesus take the wheel.

<3


we had an instant history,
some supernatural chemistry.
-----

A sad minority of the global population should know what I'm talking about.

I'm in love with his middle name.

It sounds so Jane Austen-esque (and yes, I'll admit, it DOES sound Edward Cullenesque as well), and I love his first name as well.
He sounds like a character out of the pages of a beautiful gilded, coffee-table edition book.

(And yes, I do still keep that dress;
Blue poison ivy and mayflowers, how could I forget?)

I was jealous of his crystal chandelier drawings. They turned out lovely, far beyond what an eight year old should have the right to draw... and mine looked coarse and misshapen and seven year oldesque, just as it should, beside his exquisite pencilling ins.

And then we went outside, leaving our parents to exchange small talk in the ballroom and your little sister to play with her Yellow Tractor picturebook, and we peered into the Italian restaurant in the corner and I remember the childish excitement of those deep red and green lights set in a dark room, and the polysterene bean stuffing in my plush pony shifting as I turned to exchange smiles with you.

"Do you know how to dance?"
You, confident as always, with the strange unsettling charisma so far beyond your years.

And me; startled, big little-girl eyes.
"No."

"Well then. I'll teach you."

And teach me you did, (and it sounds like a fairytale now; some scene out of a teenage movie!) and although we were innocent then, you were so wise, and how the guests must have stared at us then- a young prince and an equally tiny Cinderella!

"...Would you like to dance in front of my father?"

Me, shying away instantly, gathering up little-girl skirts with little-girl hands. "No, no."

"It's okay. You don't have to be afraid."

...But oh, I was, and I still remember how gently you pleaded with me to dance in front of your daddy!

-and now eight years have passed (?), and I'd almost forgotten about you, until one day your name resurfaced, and everything comes flooding back to me again; as bittersweet as yesterday, roses pressed between the pages of an old and lovely book.

I hope you never read this.
I hope you do.

I hope we'll meet again, someday. It isn't impossible, after all-

- and we're almost grown-up now, teenagers; if I passed you on the street I doubt I'd know you,

and you'd probably pass right by me as well.

...But hey.
Thanks for teaching me to believe in magic, and letting me be Cinderella for a night...even if I WAS just a little girl back then, with a brown plush pony and a blue poison ivy dress and with the still shining light that all little children have.

I still remember.


Dear Jesus;
Grant me the grace to let You lead, and the courage to live for you.
Thank you for dying for me.
Thank you for rising again.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Love, Cara.

GO HERE.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=5kGr5Tm-1tE&mode=related&search=


when you've laughed as much
as you've breathed you've
realized how much life is beautiful.
-----

GO MAXY, ITSHA BIRTHDAY
WE'RE GUNNA PARTY LIKE ITSHA BIRTHDAY. <3

... You didn't hear it from me. :D Today: My bestie's flirtatiously funnily fascistly funkily fantazzzztic fifteenth. So let's hit the pause button and skip back to yesterday- rewind, replay, relive.

I have suffered immeasurable humiliation by having to lug Maxy's obscenely pink "HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS" balloon to and fro from random place to random place. SHE SO OWES ME ONE.

Training rolls around, and (tadah) Maxy and I have, apparently, been shifted from t1s to k2s.
I push hard with Gill- and while we both agree that we have a long way to go- we both think that our glide feels good. And we WILL go far.
I suhwear we will.
And even if we go down, we'll go down fighting.

After training, I get into an unnatural high and start capering around and doing llama dances by the roadside. Nobody wants to llama dance with me. ): [Still, I conclude that this is only because I am a SPESHUL and UNIQUE person.]

[Also; llama dancing is a highly intensive sport, and is not easily mastered by the uninitiated.]

Maxy's birthday dinner was the shizzzzzzzz.
I never QUITE understood the full meaning of Brokebackdom until Bryan and Zile came along.
I never quite understood the meaning of "weird" in all its strange entirety.
(Zile and Bryan look suhkandeeloos.)

Zile: Bryan's face suck.
Cara: No, you mean Bryan's face SUCKS.
Zile: Bryan is not a girl.
Bryan: Oyyy. I am, okay.
Zile: Bryan has no ball.
Bryan: No. *attempts to correct Zile* ...I have no balls.

Emily: Hey Cara, whyncha bring Bryan to sleepover at your place with you and Maxy as well?
Cara: ...Puhlease. My mum'll be all, "Cara, I thought you said you were only bringing ONE girl to sleepover! ...Why're you bringing TWO?"
Bryan: *not witty enough to think of witty comeback* *unintelligible noise*



...And then the birthday girl slept over at my house (I'm sorry hun, I fell asleep before midnight and thus was unable to wish you an accurate happy birthday), and then we got up the next morning and headed to town.

Starbucks. <3>

Subsequently, we camwhored muchly and went back to Maxy's house and ate dinner and we are still here now. :]

I realize that I look very strange today. I look half-asleep in half of the photos that we took today. And half of the photos we took today...is a whole damn lot, squee.

(BUT WHATEVER. I have resigned myself to my unprettiness.)

Today somebody asked me why I almost never take photographs in colour.

I told her that I only do so because in sepia and black-and-white, everything looks different, somehow. You don't see tangible colours. You see emotions, and feelings, and poetry- and there's a light in faces that never quite struck you as pretty before.

In colour photography, life is vivid.

In sepia and black&white prints, life is immortalized.

Happy birthday, darling, it's been an ahmazing seven years.

<3

Now good things come to those who fight for them;
Take the highs with the lows, dear.
You'll get what you're given, and
everything's gonna be all right.
----

5 tables of hungry happy canoeists = mad fun.

5 tables of hungry happy NJ canoeists= even madder fun.

I LOVE LE NJC CANOEING TEAM DINNER. <3

And I'm so glad I didn't succumb to evil hunger pangs and go off by myself to eat at some deserted little cafe stranded somewhere in the suburbs.

Because that would suck.
...And I've never really been one for the whole pro-live-your-own-sad-life thing, y'know?

'Cept I almost only got one piece of fish. :/ Let me relate:

Cara: *in queue, holds out plate for the fishy thingamajig*
Xavier: *eyes Cara's plate* ...Eat so little rice, then you get a lot of fish. HAAAAA.
*proceeds to carefully ladle out a slice of fish about half the size of my little finger, onto my plate*
There w'go.
Cara: o_O OYYYY.

But it was fun, I enjoyed myself, and squeeeee I have realized how rad certain people are. (and I have also realized how suckily some people can cheer the IP cheer! ...aaand I have also realized that some people have weird taste. Like eating longans in rice.)

Some people say that when you're given life every day; grab it and run like hell.

But I SAY (Cara's 5th Rule Of Logic: All Cara's Word Is Law!) that when you're given life every day- take it, and live, live, it up!


[*discovers that her Mac, for some reason, is unable to type in the letter CAPITAL e.]

[... Oh dahyummm.]

OH WLL THN, Y'ALL WILL JUST HAV TO RAD THIS WITHOUT TH ALPHABT BTWN D AND F, BCAUS MY KYBOARD CANNOT TYP IT.

... But honestly. Life's given to you everyday- and I'll be damned if I'm going to screw mine up with drugs and going around feeling sorry for myself and self-medication (...seriously, what next? Purposeful overdosage on cough syrup?)

(...though I DO understand how one can die of cough syrup consumption. The banana flavoured kinds are revolting. Who even SAYS it tastes like bananas, anywho.)

So yeah. I reckon life can be puhretty amazing at times, and there's no way I'm going to miss out by NOT living it.

So there.

...AAAND, of course, part of the whole life being ahmazing thing stems from joining the NJ canoeing team.
Yeah, it's been tough at times.
Yeah, it still is.
Yeah, it probably will be for the next four years.

But sometimes (though at times I DO hate to admit it); tough love is what teaches you the most- and joining this team has helped me in some very personal ways. At times, when I'm rowing, I just space out and wonder, "Why am I doing this?!".
But then someone behind me shouts "All the way!" and I hear the cries of canoeists echoing up and down the churning waters, and I see the team I'm fighting for;

and then I know why I'm doing this,
why I have been doing this,
why I don't think I can stop doing this.

(And sometimes this team
takes my breath away.)

[/endinspirationalrant]

...I DID IT! :] I was deep and meaningful (I hope!) without being emofied, and that's a good thing.
Keep up the good work, Cara. *pats back*

Oh, ANDAND! My maid said that on her way to fetch me, she saw two people doing the vertical limbo by a certain roadside. :/
(...And for the poor naive souls who have no idea what vertical limbo is- here's an idea for you- Google "birds and bees" and see what- ahem- enlightening results you come up with.)

(...DISCLAIMER: BUT I AM SO NOT RESPONSIBLE IF THE CAUSE OF YOUR SUBSEQUENT LOSS OF NAIVETY RESULTS FROM GOOGLING "BIRDS AND BEES" OKAY.)

But ew. Honestly.
Doing it out in the open?!

Get a room, people, get a room.

Yeeeeah, room.
You know- those little boxy things you put all your worldly possessions in; and, uh, LIVE in.
...A R-O-O-M.

OR AT LEAST GET A FRIGGIN' BUSH!!!

Lesson to be learnt here, kiddos: BUSHES ARE NOT EXPENSIVE.
And they can save you the humiliation of being thwacked out in the blogosphere and asked to "GET A FRIGGIN' BUSH!!!" by some awesome little girls.

(Yeah, B-U-S-H.

You know, those things guys use for toilets.)

<3